Moving Indecision

Denver fits me. The casual, laid back vibe, climate, access to the outdoors, dog-friendliness, and general attitude align with what I want. I love being outdoors. I’ve always felt confined by denser cities, and Denver’s spacious sprawl features big city amenities with breathing room. It’s hard to beat living in a central, walkable neighborhood, two miles from work, in a single family home with a large fenced in backyard for the dogs. The sunshine may be the biggest draw - Denver’s four season climate is a contender for the best climate in the US in my mind. And still, I’m considering leaving.

NYC would’ve been a hard no, even just a year ago. A place I would emphatically say that I would never live. But the desire to be closer to home and my Philly roots makes NYC the best option (work-wise). My lived experience of the past 2.5 years in Denver is more informative than every analysis of the pros and cons…So many theoretical boxes ticked, and still, something missing. Is the pull of community and home that strong?

I don’t have any major complaints about Denver, or Colorado more generally. Those are easy to find. In Reddit threads with titles like “Why did you leave Denver”, there are a litany of responses describing Denver as soulless, on the decline, overcrowded and overburdened, too expensive - a subpar disappointment in every way. I feel those frustrations occasionally. It sucks that anytime after 3 PM, it takes 45+ minutes to get to Cherry Creek Dog park due to traffic, making it impossible to get Scooby to an off-leash park on weekdays. Ski traffic is a disaster. Restaurants charge insane prices for food that is above average at best. (exception - Tikka Grill!) And Denver feels like a mono-culture. I’m one of many cookie-cutter dudes in their 20’s who enjoys hiking, snowboarding, has a dog, and is on the healthier side of the American populace. Every place has its downsides, but Denver on the whole is great.

I have the most vague idea of what living in NYC would be like - radically different from Denver at least. I wonder how I’d do in that environment. How I’d adjust to the hustle, the density, the cost of living, and life without a car. And the ways in which I’d enjoy the sheer number of people, options, diversity, and dynamism. I’ve visited many times. A few months ago, I spent two half-weeks working from my company’s office in NYC. I wasn't immediately struck by the feeling of “I’d love to live here!”. Instead, the narrative in my mind shifted from, “I’d never live in NYC” to “I could potentially make it work in NYC.”

I floated the idea to a few friends, who were surprised that I’d consider moving to NYC. I’ve checked out apartments on zillow/streeteasy and sublets on a few facebook groups, trying to get an idea of neighborhoods, prices, and options. I’ve read numerous Reddit threads about life in NYC, recognizing that those opinions represent a multitude of realities informed by people’s unique circumstances and lived experiences.

I do this a lot with ‘big’ decisions. I attempt to gather a consensus via others' experiences to make the ‘right’ decision for me. But the most valuable information is lived experience, which is earned by living, not by researching, compiling, and analyzing. I wish I could more easily ride the momentum of pure intuition.

I’ve mulled it over in my head many times. Would I regret moving? How can I justify such a high cost of living for somewhere I’m not exactly super drawn to living? Can I do more to make Denver ‘home’? Am I pursuing a geographical cure for a fundamentally internal dissatisfaction? Is Denver a great place that I’d be giving up? Is this just an itch for change? Is a move an attempt to escape the routineness of adult life? Does it even really matter?

At the end of the day, if the thought keeps popping up, I’ll move to NYC and see what happens. It doesn’t really matter if I’m making the wrong or right decision. Moving back to the east coast is following a simmering intuition that is becoming harder to ignore. NYC might be horrible for me, but it’ll be different, an experience, and I know I’ll appreciate being closer to home.